The Shape of Returning
Dream recorded · October 18, 2025
Prologue
The months before this dream had been full of endings and beginnings. After a year of planning, our wedding took place in July. I took August off, but by September I was already hurrying again — Dutch classes, exams, and trying to figure out what came next after leaving my career in high-tech. Then, at the end of September, I broke my ankle. Two surgeries followed. Suddenly, I couldn't hurry anymore. My days became about resting, recovering, and taking care of myself. I had also stopped painting for about a month. Before that, I had mostly been doing paint-by-numbers — something I had enjoyed for years — but lately, even that had begun to feel strangely uninteresting. Around the same time, my mother and I had been going through a difficult period. We had made peace, although we weren't quite back to talking normally yet. Then I dreamed about a sea turtle.
Field notes
2025/10/18
Last night, I dreamed there was a sea turtle in a box. There was no water, and the turtle was all dry. My immediate thought was, “Oh no, I need to get it some water quickly.”
Someone beside me said, “Oh—but it looks fine. It should be okay.”
I ignored them, quickly got some water, and poured it into the box. Only when the box was properly filled with water did I finally feel better.
Then I thought, “Why is there a sea turtle here?” And at the same time, “I need to get it back to the ocean as soon as possible.”
Epilogue
At the time, I wondered if the turtle was about my mother, my creativity, or perhaps both.
In the months that followed, paint-by-numbers began to bore me. I wanted to paint something of my own.
Maybe the turtle didn't just need water. Maybe it needed the ocean.
- Painted
- 2025–2026
- Medium
- Acrylic pour with gold leaf and ink on canvas, 50 × 40 cm
- In preparation · Prints
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